"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
I had a gap in posting again with so much going on and my mind just not being in a remembering place. I've been in and out of the hospital, not feeling well at all. My body is shutting down and I've been having severe flare ups. They are saying instead of me having IBS that i have IBD so either crohnes disease or colitis. Didn't need another incurable, painful, chronic health problem and I am having a hard time keeping so positive about the situation. It's hard not to feel like why me, why do I always have so many problems, why do i try so hard to do such good things if all i get back is shit after shit. But i know its not okay to think that way and I just need to accept it so I don't get bitter. I am on bed rest and they want me on a clear liquid diet which obviously i cannot do or i will relapse on my eating disorder. My kids are visiting their Nana so i am supposed to follow through with my resting. It's hard when everyone is saying the same thing about me not deserving being so sick all the time. Life just isnt on a deserve basis and by me agreeing with them or feeling that way it doesnt change anything it only allows me to continue to hurt myself with what's going on. I guess that's all I can say right now.
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