This is war

A warning to the people,
The good and the evil,
This is war.

To the soldier, the civilian,
The martyr, the victim,
This is war.

It's the moment of truth, 
and the moment to lie,
The moment to live and the moment to die,
The moment to fight,
the moment to fight
To fight, to fight, to fight!

To the right, To the left
We will fight to the death!
To the edge of the earth
It's a brave new world
From the last to the first
To the right, To the left
We will fight to the death!
To the edge of the earth.

Another filler post. I need to get on myself about blogging on a more regular basis but here I am switching blogs and shifting posts again. Really tried to push to post on the original one but its not a possibility another. It is not a safe place and if I don't have a safe place I cant blog. I have had a lot of deception lately. Someone tried to call CPS on me. Someone close to our family. Really took me back but I've completely separated and disassociated from the situation completely. As if it never happened at all. I called that person, flipped out, talked it out so to speak, and it still affects me but it has turned into paranoia. Me trying to be perfect again. Every time I feel like I do not have to be perfect something huge and crucial happens that says, "NO, You go right back there and you fake your stuff, you kill yourself to try and be perfect. If you're not perfect you are nothing. You're not good enough. You'll never be good enough." Which of course makes my eating disorder battle a fucking million in a half times worse. I have really been forcing myself to eat, combating all the bullshit drama, all the emotions, all the health problems and just trying to remain busy and calm. Husband is on another fire as always and I am just trying to push through the next 2 months to make it through another season. Then we can go back to just full time work but him coming home. It is hard battling it all on my own and taking care of the kids on my own, dealing with all the bills, all the questions, all the apts, all the everything because i am the only one here to do it. Two days or so a month just isnt enough. But I appreciate the huge sacrifice we all give so other people can live and survive. He loves what he does and I stick behind that. With all the paranoia and disassociation I am a little bit hesitant that the schizophrenic diagnosis was ever wrong. Maybe it is true, I mean it is genetic and my mom does have it. It doesn't really need a label since I can't get any actual help anyways. I really think I need to be proud of myself for combating all of this alone without medication, without therapy, without support. I am not feeling well today so that's all i have for right now but hopefully I can stick with this. I need to do this.