So much running through my head. Everything is spinning round and round and I can't tell if I am present or completely separated from everything going on right now. Those moments where your head is so unclear, the room spins, your body aches, nothing feels real, and you feel like maybe you arent really handling things as well as you thought you were. When you stop being in a mode and finally realize you are just not okay in this moment. Not that it will stay but that it feels like it hit you out of no where and all your days feel like they have just ran together. Sometimes its hard to stay sober, clean, and no self harming, etc to numb what already feels numb or maybe to feel what isnt present when your mind escapes you but I know none of that helps. Makes it hard when you still battle things like eating disorders and things that are on the same wave length. Tired of all the stupid masks and disassociation that doesnt even happen on purpose. On-ward to a new day, a new opportunity.