Death to life

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."






Everyone has their own ideas of what death and life truly mean. For me they are both a journey on a road that I visit everyday. Some people live their lives never approaching deaths door, never walking up to the doorbell. Not only have I rang the bell but I have broke the lock and tried to come inside.

The meaning of life and death are very different to me now. The things I used to believe about death never stared me in the eye until I had my mind set on knocking at it's door.

No words will ever be able to describe what I felt that night. The sensation that came over me. The feeling of the air, my skin, my irregular heart beat. The feeling of the blood thinning out in my veins. It was beautiful. The simplicity that poured over every inch of my being.

Not even five minutes after I downed those pills, that one handful, that one swallow, those 67 pills, I felt peace. I closed my eyes and laid my head down on a pillow. Everything become about me. My mind, my body, my soul all enter-twined.

My phone ringing, flashing on silent, I hit ignore. The muffled sound of the police's fists making contact with my front door. No answer.

Finally mustering up the strength to unwind from my deepest fantasy, I picked up the Restricted number. Asking me, pleading to me to answer my front door. The feeling of my jello legs trying to walk to the ambulance. Being swarmed and surrounded by cops and paramedics while walking up the stairs just to make sure I didn't go tumbling down. 11.29.11 Something I never want to forget. This is why I got it tattooed.

In the same, the feeling of being born again has no description. Have God swoop over you transforming your body. 05.06.12 I will be born again, baptized in the eyes of God and those before me. Taking this sweet memory from death to life. <3