I can tell that I am beginning to shut down again because I have almost no physical or mental capacity or will to write anymore. I cannot bring my thoughts together enough to make any sense. Or at least that is how I feel. These last few days have me feeling like I am in a storm again and you know what they say when it rains, it pours.
“Life doesn’t care about fair or unfair.”―Kendare Blake
This rain that has been piss pouring down on our family is without a doubt exhausting. I took my son into the doctors today because he had bruises all over his body and through out the day he was getting more and more of them with absolutely no activity or accidents or falls. They ran blood panels and we found out he has ITP. ITP is an autoimmune disease in which his platelets are low and his antibodies attack his platelets. As a mom you never want to be told that your two year old son has a disease. With this disease we have to be extremely cautious about what germs are around him, if he ever bleeds, and any impacts to his body or brain; he can easily hemorrhage or bleed out. He is most susceptible to head injuries and the two biggest things are head injuries and bleeding from the nose or mouth. We will run more tests tomorrow to find out exactly how many platelets he has. Typically this disease can go away after about 4-6 weeks but it can go into submission and come back again later on. We have to be really watchful of everyone's contact with him and limit as many germs as possible.
My mom being the oh so damn supportive mother that she is sent me a text message freaking out because I didn't call her about it. (A) I never call her (B) at this point in my life battling my own mental health, my own physical health, and my sons health; I don't think it is appropriate to bitch at me for her finding out over the internet. GET OVER IT! She didn't even want to hear what was wrong with him she said the same thing she says every time I talk to her, "you have been through all of this before, you know that, you knew you were going to have a life like this the doctors told you. You just need to put your big girl panties on." AHH most annoying thing you could be told and then she says her oh so famous comment "well im sure living there isn't making it easy, you know what i mean." I said UM NO I actually have no idea what you mean. I'm seeing red. I need a break. I am on mass overload. Now I have all my health stuff and his. Can't I just get one day to lay in my bed, watch tv, and relax? Just one day please!? I'm going to break soon. I can feel it.
I NEED A BREAK!
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