Wish I could word for word what has happened today. I feel betrayed and even more uncomfortable then I already did in this house. I feel completely unwanted and hated more then ever. I have been virtually gang banged and hung up to dry. I am tired of having this same shit happen all the time. It's always about me and how I am a bad mom and wife. No one else ever has to be accountable for anything they do or say other then the expectation that I must. I am not sure where this puts me. But I truly feel more then ever like I don't belong here.


Everyone wants to try and analyze me like I don't know my flaws or the good things I do. I know who I am, what I do, and lack there of. I don't need anyone to tell me their opinions or observations especially from coming from people who are no better of wives, husbands, or parents then I am. It is absolutely insulting to fight your ass off and then be told your not trying to get better. I feel like someone spit in my face. I am tired of all the center of problems being around me. Frankly it is no one's business. No one asked for an opinion I'm tired of getting everyone's back draft.


I don't know where this punts me in my relationship because no one ever talks other then behind people's backs. I feel like little by little as people get drug into my relationship that isn't theirs, more gets taken out. The only time we even have a problem in our marriage is when other people get involved. I wish I had somewhere to go. A place to clear my head for a while but with no job, no driver's license, and no family around I don't have that option. I am stuck.


I am tired of having to walk on egg shells. The only reason I lack in doing things is because no matter what or how much I do I am always being judged at every turn. I don't think it's fair or right. I don't judge everyone else, there are lots of things I could say but I don't because it's not my place. It's funny how you give up for someone and all you get in return is a tit for tat board. Like you have never given up for them in return.


I never asked anything out of anyone and yet I am supposed to be a mind reader. I am supposed to automatically know when everyone wants help even though no one ever asks and always orders others to not do things. I find this funny because people have enough time to congregate and talk bad about others but not to ask for help. I am absolutely offended to the core and don't know what to say to anyone near me right now.

No one in this entire house knows a single thing about why I feel the way I do because no one ever asks. I am speechless that everyone tries to guess and assume that they know me better then I do. Everyone's wrong and this proves that nobody knows me. I am who I am and no one is going to take that away from me. I am tired of being loved for who everyone else wants me to be. I am my own person, my own kind of parent, my own kind of wife and if that isn't good enough for my kids or my husband then that is for them to say. I am so completely hurt. I am tired of never being good enough. I truly feel like I don't know any of these people anymore. I never thought they were the kinds of people who sit and judge or sit and talk about others. I am just plain hurt and have nothing further to say.