"Well, I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it every day

And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs

She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside

With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why

You've been rejected
And now you can't find
What you've left behind

Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs

She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside

With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind

She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place, yeah

She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside

With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

She's lost inside, lost inside
Oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside
Oh oh, oh"-Avril Lavigne




I guess I will start off by saying that I am sorry for not posting consistently like I used to. So much has been going on that I can't stop. If I stop going I am just going to break down and that wont look good for me. There are too many emotions swimming inside to open the floodgate. I have been very sad lately. We got evicted from our house and that was the LAST thing I needed right now. I had no therapy this week and that is my safety line. I don't get to hang out with my sister everyday anymore which makes me really sad because she is like my best friend. I feel like I have a whole again. Her and I had so much fun together, I feel like I lost the only happiness I have had lately. I had to run around the whole damn town going after tons of shit to get my taxes yesterday. It took me literally 4 hours. 4 hours at a bank! And to top all of this off, I am straight stressed out! All this overwhelming talk about money, my bank account going into negative again, me not feeling well lately, all the expenses that I am having to lock away in hopes that we can find a house in less then 30 days. I feel like fucking screaming! I feel like it's just one shitty ass thing after another. We never get a damn break and I don't know how long things can be this way before I just break.


I am finally doing a photo shoot again Sunday. It has been a long time. I keep having nightmares every single night. I had one that I was pregnant! I miss being pregnant, it was the only time I ever felt good about myself. I feel like I screwed up in raising my kids. We weren't going to have anymore but I want to get better so that I can have another chance. Not now, but later. I still have more then 4 years on my birth control anyways.


I got my tattoo yesterday. The date of my OD on my wrist. I think it will be a good reminder of why I am fighting. I need more in life and I hope things start changing soon. If they don't I am not sure what I will do. I need change.