Trichophagia

So over the last little while, my Trichophagia has gotten a lot worse. As if having Trichotillomania is not bad enough. All of this is so embarrassing and it truly makes me hate myself. I am getting really bad stomach pains lately and I am sure it is from the Trichophagia. Not a lot of people know that I have Trichophagia that goes along with my Trichotillomania but I figured I have put everything else out there so I mine as well be 100% honest. Up until today I didn't even know there was a name for the other part to my Trichotillomania. I am having a lot of regrowth lately and it is so embarrassing. It's like a haunting reminder at how messed up my coping skills are.

I had a crying spree today because I was so tired and had only gotten a few hours of sleep and I really needed my husband to watch my son for just like an hour while I laid down and like every 5 minutes I had to tell him to either watch what my son was doing or tell my son to stop doing something or to be a little quieter. I just don't get why he has such a problem helping me. He is home he should be doing something, anything. I do everything cook, clean, bath time, bedtime, waking up while he sleeps in, play time, laundry, and picking up after him, all the finances, and reminding him of everything he has to do. Like I told him I truly don't mind doing it at all but when I ask for help because I am getting so frazzled then he needs to step up. It's not fair. He was the one who wanted to have kids so early in our relationship and so early in our lives. Had I known he would never do anything except when he is forced to I probably would have waited longer to have kids. I by no means regret my kids because that's the only thing that keeps me going but damn, seriously. At minimum at least play with the poor kid more often. He is great with our daughter but since she is not here everyday that's really not enough. Both kids need attention and care from their dad not just one.

It makes me feel like a bad mom sometimes like, why can't I take care of him by myself in the first place but then I try and snap out of it because I shouldn't have to be doing it alone and everyone needs breaks. I need to stop punishing myself for the period of time where I was unable to take care of my kids and stop assuming that needing an hour break is compatible.