Don't Bury Me

“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”―Khalil Gibran




I don't understand people at all. Why do people let their childish behaviors affect kids? Kids get pulled in the middle of things that are so unfair. My "brother" and his girlfriend decided to be immature and selfish and blow up on my Ma last night. They screamed until 2:30 in the morning. They spent half the day arguing online and bashing out family over the internet. Decided to come and grab their stuff and in the process my two year old son was left here screaming and crying their names because he doesn't understand what is going on. They didn't even have the decency to say anything when they came parading through the house with their negative attitudes and bratty behaviors. I am tired of being forced in the middle of everyone else's drama. I have never done anything to any of them. I have never been rude, hurtful, inappropriate. I have always gone above and beyond to help them with whatever they have needed and in return I get bashed, lied about, and pulled into the middle when everyone else has an attitude. When I need people the most is when everyone bails out and does nothing but ridicule me. I have stepped back for three weeks and have gotten nothing but shit about my parenting, my place as a wife, and me as a person. I seriously feel so sick right now. I don't know how people can be so cruel and evil.


This is why I don't have a lot of friends, this is why I don't trust people. People are self-centered and selfish. When people lose the ability to be center of attention they lash out to whoever and whatever is around them. I even paid for his girlfriend without anything in return. I shut her phone off today. People are so ungrateful. I hoped and prayed, wished, tried everything in my ability to show him that I cared. I let the past be past and no matter what I did nothing was ever good enough. I am tired of drama. This is not high school this is life. I guess some people become adults but never mature.


This reason, judgement is the whole reason why I overdosed. I am tired of being judged, I am tired of not being good enough, I am tired of this whole matter, this whole situation. I did nothing but try and get better, nothing but try and help myself so that I can grow as a person to be a better mom and wife. I guess that is not good enough. I want to crawl in a hole and just hide. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't handle all this judgement and drama, I am tired of the games. I want to fucking throw up. I don't even know where to go from here.