Update

My bpd has been a little insane lately. Jumping from being angry and frustrated, to impatient, to sad and lonely, to overwhelmed. My life is always so hectic so many that plays a role in all of it as well. I would recap everything but I do not think my brain is functioning enough for that at the moment. Had to get a new computer because my daughter broke mine. Spent all day cleaning, re-cleaning, and cleaning again because my kids have been on a role and today my daughter bit my son so hard that hours later he still has an impression of her teeth. I keep forgetting to turn in the papers for my son's apt at the children's hospital this winter. It was the same set of questions asked over and over again. I hope in one way or another this will help him and me and our whole family. My daughter is really starting to mimic the behaviors so I feel like I am always scrambling to either keep them not breaking something, keep them not screaming, or keep them not talking back. It is a hard road sometimes. I feel like shit because so often I get impatient and feel like they (well at least my son) should be old enough to just mind but it is so confusing because we do not know if he has a defiance disorder or something beyond that. I do not know whether to adjust my expectations because maybe he should know better but really cannot understand some concepts of these things or if he just does it out of defiance.

I have been really good at booting or ignoring the negativity out of my life. I need more positive encouragement that is for sure. I need to learn more patience as we go into fire season, since my husband will not be home more than a day or two a month for 4 or 5 months. As it is he is already working 50+ hours a week. I just need to keep telling myself that I can do this. I am a good mom and I am trying. I will learn more patience I just need to keep reminding myself that they are just kids. I always feel so bad when I get impatient with them. I just feel like a broken record all the time because no one ever listens to me the first few times, adults or kids. LOL.