F U C K

"Will you take me as I am
I know the way I'm living is wrong
But I can't change on my own, trying to make it alone
I wonder, how could you love me when my life so ugly
But you came down and died for me."-Lecrae

I don't even know what to do right now. I don't understand why instead of everything being water under the bridge everything has to be weight pulling you under. Not only did we just get a 72 hour notice which by the way is SUPER illegal in my state, but my sister calls me to yell at me for trying to contact my nephew's adoptive mom. She said she doesn't want anything to do with him and I made her mad. I don't know why I even bothered doing something for me. I needed to know who he is, where he is. He's my blood. I truly believe that nothing good is allowed to happen. I feel like someone is the mean kid with the magnifier laughing and burning me on an ant hill.


To top this all off my white blood cell count is low which is absolutely terrifying. People with cancer have shit like this. I have no sanity, nothing to just make everything semi okay, nothing good to out weight the bad, and not even good health. Seriously anything else want to adam bomb me? I keep having to go on antibiotics and doing cultures and blood tests. I am in way too much pain then I can handle, I am so stressed out. F U C K!


I wish for once something good could happen. Even a little thing. Something to make it seem worth it like I wasn't just completely being shit on. I am alone all the time because I can't handle being overwhelmed by people. I can't maintain any of my relationships, I can't get a damn break. And I didn't sleep at ALL last night because I was tripping out so bad because I decided to be stupid and make myself uncomfortable by being out in public all day. At least I know why I am always freaking sick now. UHHHH. IF I could scream so loud the whole world could hear me I would!!!