Puzzle Pieces Part 2

Even now after all the things my mom did to him, he never says anything to bash her. He always says he doesn't want to say anything mean about her. He kept apologizing for having the life I have had. I told him that there were a lot of things that I never told anyone. My mom, my dad, most people in general. My dad always taught me to be strong. I always took that as don't be weak. He said strong toned that I am nothing like my mom and I had to remember that as much as I am half of her I am half of him.


He is honestly the only person that could ever turn my overdose into a humorous situation. In my surprise I wasn't offended by his jokes. I am normally very touchy and emotional about my overdose but with him I wasn't. I talked freely with him. It was a nice feeling. We talked about bad memories and good ones. Little dumb things like when we went fishing and I hooked not only myself but also our dog and when I caught my first fish we put it in our fish tank in our house! He said he had gone fishing yesterday and he thought of me the whole time. I was always his fishing buddy. I didn't much like fishing but I liked the quiet, the time with him, and the funny things that always happened as a result. It sucks when you grow up thinking that both your parents were selfish just to find that one parents "cause" created the other ones "effects."


My dad told me that my uncle isn't doing very well. I wish I had taken more time in life to interact with him. Truthfully he always scared me. I don't know why but he did. I think it was because he was so tall and very loud. I don't like anything that's loud. Even the smallest raise of a voice really bothers me from all of the yelling and screaming I was always around. I don't like it.


I am not really any less confused then I was but I think that I tied up a lose end that I always felt was open. My dad said that it was nice that I was finally growing up enough to see the truth on my own. I always doubted my dad's love for me. I always thought that me never seeing him was a product of him not wanting to see me but truthfully it was me taking on my mom's opinions and making decisions because of it. I have always taken on my step dad's or my mom's opinions. I need to have my own! I don't talk to my step dad and I haven't in almost two years. I don't much like him. They always tried to convince me not to have an opinion and not be "opinionated." I was muted for a long time and I won't be silenced anymore.