Breaking Point

I decided to start back from an old blog so that this tells the full story, full emotions, and full me....from the start.

This all began as somewhat of a "self improvement journey," standing back and looking at the bigger picture. In order to do this kind of spring cleaning I have to open doors that have been bolted up and hidden for years. I decided that it was best to document this experience with a blog. My goal with this is not so much to attract readers but to have an outlet.

This idea of spring cleaning begun when my husband and I found out that we finally conceived our second child. My marriage was falling apart, I had just entered into a new career path, and I was broken. My life was literally crashing down before me. I felt hopeless, insecure, betrayed, lonely, and worst of all, I felt tired. I was tired of this routine we have been living in. After 38 weeks of pregnancy, I needed things to change. At this point in my life I had hit a fork in the road. My only options were to either throw the in the towel and not look back, sit here numb wishing for more, or fight with every fiber of my being.

In honesty, I had already done each of these things.I had already thrown in the towel, getting to the point where I could hardly kiss my husband. For more then a year I sat here numb, feeling sorry for myself and utterly confused. I already was fighting with all the strength I thought I had; I was wrong. I felt defeated. I was truly at a halt. I needed to do more then just salvage my marriage, I needed to salvage myself. I had fallen so hard that I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was having a mental breakdown. I was no longer able to function. My days started to blur together. The only thing I was capable of doing was crying. I was lost, trapped inside myself. Inside I was screaming for help.