Through all of this my son started forming a very strong attachment to Ma. The kids normally spend the night with her every Saturday, but Damion hates to leave! We
started letting him stay there and coming home when he wants to. People
had a lot to say about that one. My fears as a bad mom came boiling to
the surface as even people I thought were my friends were calling me a
bad mom. His
doctor advised to let him do this. It's his way of copping with
everything going on. New sister, Mommy is home but eventually going to
leave, mommy being sad all the time. It's a lot for a two year old. It
has been the most gut wrenching thing in the world to hardly see my
baby boy. Last night he said he wanted to come today. Was here for about
4 hours and finally had to have Nana pick him up again. He kept asking
me where they went, he didn't understand. Talk
about an emotional moment. I found out that my son went #2 on his potty
for the first time tonight. I broke down. I'm missing this. Fighting to
get better, fighting to stay whole. I feel like I'm drowning. Had
all of my worst fears come true? I feel like I have failed. It is the
toughest thing in the world to admit your flaws, to try and change.
A
month in a half ago, I enrolled in college. I am getting my associates
degree in psychology. I am fighting to grow in everything. I have more
bad days then good but overall things are starting to improve. I'm so
easily overwhelmed. I feel like my heart was ripped out or punched in
the stomach. I feel like I am falling.
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