Time to Heal

November 29, 2011 was the day that changed my life. I hit bottom. Swirled out of control. I spent all day crying, gasping for air, out of my mind. I was so afraid to lose my life. I was wrong. When you hit bottom you don't think. You think wrong. I thought my husband was leaving me. He was overwhelmed, I was overwhelmed, life was overwhelmed. i had been denying talking when I needed to talk. I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs and no one was hearing me: because I silenced myself. November 29, 2011 I took 64 aspirin and over dosed. I was not wanting to die, I was not 100%, I didn't want to give up my life. I wanted to silence the world, for all my pain to stop even for just a moment. I won't lie, it did. I had three cops, two ambulance, a full time sitter in the hospital. I was so disoriented. About a half in hour after I took the pills, my world stopped. I didn't feel any more pain. I downed the pills and laid down. I was admitted into ICU. I had to drink charcoal. It tears your stomach up. It makes you feel so much worse then you originally did. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. I wasn't allowed to see my family. You feel pain because you feel alone and you do this HUGE thing, you almost lose everything you have ever been thankful for and they take away everything from you. You can't go to the bathroom by yourself, you can't be alone. I had my blood taken 8 times in one arm in less then 12 hours. My ears may never stop ringing. I am so lucky that I had no other long term damage. I almost gave away everything in my life. I discharged myself from a mental health facility last night. 

I NEEDED to hug and kiss my babies and husband. I needed them to know that I was such a fool. My husband was never trying to leave me, he just didn't understand how to help me and I didn't understand how to help myself. I hope that anyone who is ever in that situation reaches out! Ask for help, talk about it. I was so afraid of what everyone else would think about me but you know what I am doing my best and frankly it is not any of my business what anyone else thinks about me.