Alone

I was a fool to think that I ever deserved to be happy. I was a fool to open myself back up again. I was a fool to ever think things were getting better. My whole life is a lie. I am truly alone. My husband sent me an email at work. He left. He is not staying with me. I am on this journey by myself. My hear hurts so bad I can barely breath. Images floating through my mind that make the pain so much worse. I was finally starting to be better. Finally starting to be happy again. Here I am sitting alone sobbing. Wishing that someone anyone could love me. I am unlovable. I don't know what's wrong with me. He says I pushed him away. This is my fault. Maybe it is me. Maybe I am just not good enough, not pretty enough, not perfect enough, not strong enough. I wish someone would just rip my heart out of my chest. The pain would be far less. I wish I didn't care. I wish it didn't hurt me. I wish I didn't love him. I devoted my whole life, my whole body, everything to him. It wasn't enough. I was a fool to think I was ever good enough for anything. I am just a girl, sitting alone, begging god to take my pain away. I am nothing. Today I said I wish I could just fade away. Well I got my wish.