Saturday, April 13, 2013

In Danger of Drowning

Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I’m not perfect and do not live to be; but before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. ~ Bob Marley




I had a pretty good first say back at work. Everyone was very nice and welcoming. It was a bit overwhelming at first trying to catch up to almost three months of information but it was like riding a bike, you just don't forget it. My shift got switched to an earlier time so that in itself made my day bright. I was still unable to get a hold of my therapists office to find out where we go from here. My night ended badly as almost all of them do by the details of my family's thanksgiving in which one member of the party decided it would be appropriate to talk shit about my parenting in front of my children.


Apparently I am unhealthy to my children because my daughter likes to sleep, mind you she sleeps through the entire night. We do not force her to be awake all day long when she sleeps fine, and as per my children's pediatrician, if they need sleep; let them sleep. I don't see how depriving my children of sleep would make me a better mother. I have hit this wall tonight of pure sickness. I am so fed up with everyone's judgments. No one has to agree with my parenting or frankly even like my parenting, but I think it is absolutely pathetic to sit around all day and bash other people's preferences. It truly is just a matter of opinion. I do not walk around telling everyone else how to raise their children or what they are doing "wrong." I do not beat my children, I do not use drugs, I'm not an alcoholic and rarely ever drink of which is never in front of my children, I feed them, love them, guide them, play with them, bath them. They are not dirty or malnourished, rude or unkind. I am in no way a perfect parent and there is not a single person on this planet that is, but I am having a hard enough time trying to convince myself that I am worthy of happiness, love, and care. I do not understand why people are purposefully hurtful-I have never done anything to any of them. I have never once called them out on their wrong doings or their parenting choices because it is not only none of my business but not my right to judge. In this endless journey that I have begun to walk I am finding out who I am, who I am not, who my friends are and who are not, and fighting my way through my conclusion that at least from these last few days...I walk this journey alone. 

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