I feel purely exhausted and these cold days do not help. Everyone keeps
asking if I am going to be okay to go back to work next week. I'm not
really sure about that at this point. I hope it isn't too overwhelming. I
have to live with this feeling already I don't like the embarrassment
of trying to explain it to other people. I still find it hard to muster
up the strength enough to move, breath, exist. I constantly shake. I
feel as if I have no control over anything; my emotions, my body. I am
glad that my husband has a four day weekend this week. I need his help,
way more then he understands.
I feel numb today. Not upset, not happy, just here. I fantasize about
being happy. What is wrong with me? I've been on all my psych meds for
long enough to kick in. Two months of pills on top of pills almost all
of them at max doses. I don't feel very festive this year. Hopefully I
can make it through these holidays without destroying it for everyone
else.
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