One Step at a Time

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl




Today was my first day of therapy. Overall I am very excited about this resource. It is nice to have an unbiased person to talk to who is knowledgeable and helps you break down, analyse, and connect things that you yourself would never be able to. We developed a safety plan that maps out each step I should take should I feel overwhelmed, suicidal, or distressed. My therapist has required me to do little stimulating activity, no emotionally stressful situations, and no big tasks or responsibilities other then myself. Another requirement that she gave me was to have very limited communication with my mom. I fell like this will help me a lot. My body is shutting down from all the over excitement in the last week in a half. I am going to listen to my therapist and just relax. At least until I am feeling better. I feel like I am finally starting to be able to see that I am sick, I do need help, it will take time, and it is okay. I am gaining this new respect and appreciation for my husband. He is trying to step up and help my Ma take care of all of these responsibilities so that I feel safe and secure in knowing they are happy and being taken care of. I think my husband and I hit a break through last night where I opened up and told him things that I have never once told anyone. It terrified him but it gave him a little understanding. He is putting forth a lot of effort and we came to a big understanding that we are both here, forever, not turning back, not forced or stuck, just in love and married. We are partners and together whether it is a struggle or not we will get through this. The only difference between a successful marriage and a failed marriage is the deep dedication and will to make things better. What makes a successful marriage is effort. We both have been so scared that the other one will leave that we both put up these walls. We are now on the same page and working towards breaking them down. We are going to try our "safe book" again. In the summer of 2010 we started what I call a safe book. We go through and everyday write whatever is on our minds; good, bad, ugly. Just the honest truth. These writings can not be judged or fought about. We can only write what is on our minds and reply or describe the corrections on the misunderstandings. My husband feels that this is an easier way to communicate so that he feels like it is not a confrontation. I feel like today I took my first big step in this journey. I look forward to what lessons and understandings come out of all of this. I am fully dedicated to getting better, to work through my problems, to find out what is really going on in my mind, and completely willing to do what she thinks is necessary to make all of this happen.